(the post about day 1-5 can be found here :))
I was severely depressed for the last couple of days. I skipped everything I could skip, cancelled breakfast dates with my girls and stayed in bed all day, every day, paralyzed. The only thing I did not skip was my aerial yoga morning practice. I’m kind of proud of that, but also confused. It doesn’t really make sense for me to keep going with this morning ritual – especially during a time of total loss of energy – when I still don’t notice any changes in my overall mood.
The question is: why doesn’t it work?
I have a couple of theories:
1) You can’t fit a very energizing practice into 10 to 15 minutes. At least not when you’re like me and you need to take it slow in the morning… i was never the type of person who goes for a run in the morning or jumps right into sun salutations. Action, yes please, but not first thing in the morning.
Okay then, you could say, why don’t you simply practice longer? why not an hour every morning?
I guess that would be counter productive (?). because what I have learned is that with depression, it’s all about baby steps. You wanna start slow and not overwhelm yourself and then, after the first tiny step, you can ever so slowly build an upward spiral/create momentum. Planning long morning practices is my guaranteed failure/is going to make me quit within the first 3 days.
2) I can’t do my favorite aerial asana at home, because it involves massive amounts of swinging while you’re inverted, and my living room doesn’t have enough room for that. Gosh I miss the swinging. The amount of childlike freedom and joy this asana brings up is impossible to put into words.
3) It takes time!
Practicing any form of yoga at home is not a quick fix (at least when you’re not 100% sure about the effect of certain exercises or sequences on your very own body).
There’s no such thing as a quick fix for depression anyway,
There are moments that make you feel a rush of endorphins, but I have never encountered one of those when practicing at home, only in well structured (sometimes even private) classes by experienced teachers.
Unfortunately, patience is NOT one of my strong points. And let’s be honest… if you’re super gloomy and numb and feeling awful, you don’t want something that will make you feel better in weeks or months. You want to – NEED TO – feel better now if you don’t want to lose hope altogether.
I added a short grounding exercise (without the hammock) that a friend of mine who’s an aspiring Brennan healer suggested, and I’ve started experimenting with different aspects such as light and sound. On a rainy day like today, there’s nothing like pink light to brighten up.
As long as I have more ideas about what to add or alter, I’ll just keep trying. Like I said… baby steps.
What do you guys do, how do you keep yourself motivated if you can’t see or feel results as fast as you wished you would? Doesn’t have to be a mood or fitness related goal, anything goes!
(feel free to comment in German, my posts are written in English so my friends from other countries can understand them as well)