Sometimes i wish people could actually see inside my head, hear my every thought, watch the constant battle I’m fighting. A battle with myself, against myself, for myself? So they could actually understand what life looks like to me and that even though it may seem like there’s nothing to worry about on the outside, the darkness inside can be infinite. And they could hear that voice that never stops telling me „You’re juuuuust not (good) enough. And you’ll never be“. And then the other voice that says „But this can’t be it, this can’t be the end, there has to be something more i can do, something else i can try? Something that will finally make me loveable – or something that will make me believe that i already am?“
And then again, I don’t want anyone to be able to look inside my head. Because even though there’s hope (sometimes), it’s still kind of a scary place. And you don’t want to invite people to scary places, right?
Sorry, no German version today. Maybe later.